Carrying Buffoons

This is a blog about football.  Why now?  Why, with 9 games to go (and I'm talking premier league football and not that awful football that slumbers in the lower leagues), would a person want to begin to discuss football?  Why not?  It's not as if the show ends.  Even over summer an endless, diarrhoeal stream of gossip invades our lives and builds our hopes.  So why not now; there's always room for some new goon to appear on the scene and spread tripe to the masses.

Manchester United Midfield

With this in mind, let's move to the subject of this first post, the Manchester United Midfield clear-out; the news, this week, that United plan to castrate Paul Scholes, Luis Nani and Oli Anderson.  Let's take them each in turn.

Paul Scholes - There's not much to discuss; the guy's a legend (that's a football legend and not an actual legend; real legends can do something more than kick a ball straight) but his time is up.  He's no yoga king and, with multiple injuries plaguing his body, it's time to call it a day.  Go and manage Oldham; take over from that baby gibbon; kick managerial ass.

Luis Nani - Urgh.  Luis Nani is an overrated player.  Not by me. I place no value on him whatsoever.  Gary Neville once said that David Luiz looks like he is controlled by a ten year old with a PlayStation; Luis Nani looks like he is controlled by a one year old; buttons pressed randomly and without thought. Anything he does with a  useful outcome is surely an accident; kick enough balls and, sooner or later, he'll kick one straight.  His good contributions are all down to probability.  If United had kept Danny Pugh, I dare-say we would have seen a similar outcome.
Put simply, Nani is infuriating; he can't dribble the ball and his passes, even though a rare event, are always, without fail, under hit.  Cash him in.

Anderson - The trouble with Anderson is his laziness.  He sometimes shows his worth but, all too often, you'll see him lumbering around the pitch like some badly dressed flaneur, out to spot the crowds at a football match.  It would come as no surprise if he was caught texting or sleeping or wanking whilst the match played on around him.  All too often his feet get stuck in the mud.  I used to blame his hair and wind resistance or some shit; but now he's had a shave no excuses remain. United have carried this buffoon for too long; it's time he left.

So yes, castrate; cull; incinerate; dump; remove; goodbye.